Why is it so hard to be kind to yourself?

In this episode, we'll discuss how to learn to say no, forgive ourselves, and stop comparing ourselves to others, with Ingrid Rosario, a singer and pastor who, at 52, says she's never felt burned out.

On “Vivas y Plenas,” Flor Elena Robledo spoke with Ingrid Rosario about a question that, as women, we rarely ask ourselves out loud: Do we feel like we're mothers, wives, daughters, professionals and friends—everything to everyone—except to ourselves? It's a tension that many of us carry without admitting—and that we sometimes confuse with what we're "supposed" to feel simply because we're women. Ingrid says she's found a way around one specific issue: she's learned to say no and to forgive herself when she doesn't reach the goal she set for herself.

The photo that hurt

Ingrid recounts that, for a time at her church, she gave more than she had to: her own money, time and tasks that no one had asked her to do. Years later, on a different project, the team forgot to include her in a group photo. The whole team was there—except her. And as women, we can come to believe that giving so much of ourselves guarantees us a place—until a detail like that proves us wrong and fills us with resentment, as happened to Ingrid for weeks.

As she sought God in the midst of that resentment, she sensed a response different from what she expected: "Become as I became: I became a servant and emptied myself," she felt God telling her, quoting Philippians 2. Ever since then, before saying yes to something, she discerns whether she's doing it for applause or because she was called to that moment.

Being kind to yourself

Ingrid recalls that a friend, during a difficult time, said something to her that threw her off balance: "You have to be kind to yourself." She resisted at first, until she understood what the friend was pointing out: she is kind to others, but not to herself. Flor believes that there are pressures that come from the system—from the roles we're expected to fulfill—and pressures we place on ourselves because of past mistakes, and that forgiveness must apply to both.

Ingrid breaks it down to everyday life: among so many roles—mother, wife, homeschool teacher, cook, pastor, singer—the one that underpins all the others is being a child of God. That's where forgiveness comes in, for example, when a meal doesn't turn out right or when she leaves clothes unfolded on the couch.

Excellence, not perfection

Ingrid shares a concept she often teaches in talks for women: excellence is God's grace at work to do what needs to be done; perfection, on the other hand, does not depend on our own strength. With that distinction, she says, she freed herself from the pressure of having to achieve everything on her own.

Silencing the noise and thriving

At the beginning of the year, Ingrid felt there was too much noise around her and took a break from social media. She felt free, relieved, light. Flor Elena connects this to one of her favorite chapters in “Hinds’ Feet in High Places”: the one about the little wildflowers, which bloom every day even though almost no one notices them, and find their joy in giving of themselves without expecting anything in return. Ingrid recognizes herself in that; as a young woman, people called her "too much," and today she embraces that intensity as part of who she is.

Happiness is like a fountain

As women, it's easy to fall into the trap of comparison: admiring someone else who seems to have it all together and feeling that we can't measure up. Ingrid distinguishes between the kind of comparison that drives growth and the kind that only adds pressure, and she sums up her own transformation—including losing nearly 80 pounds—with an image: "Happiness is like a fountain," and what matters is which one we drink from. Among all her titles, the one that underpins the rest is being a child of God. Anyone who today carries the pressure of having to be everything to everyone can, like Ingrid, start with a single decision: to forgive themselves.

Liberty University: Scholarships for Hispanic families

This episode of “Vivas y Plenas” is brought to you by Liberty University, which is offering scholarships to Hispanic families who believe in faith, traditional values and work as part of our life's identity—whether on campus or 100% online. Learn more at liberty.edu/UnaVisita.

Want to listen to the full conversation?

Watch the full episode with Ingrid Rosario on our YouTube channel.

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