Couples' finances: How to have those awkward conversations

Finances in a relationship: Money has emotional significance

For some, money means security; for others, love or freedom. And that meaning almost always stems from childhood. Someone who grew up in scarcity may become generous. Someone who grew up with a very frugal father may feel anxious about how money will be managed in their own home.

"Money isn't just a piece of paper; money has meaning."

When two people with different backgrounds get married, that's when the conflicts begin. "Las Vivas" pointed out that finances are one of the main causes of disagreement between partners and that many divorces have resulted from this, especially when times are tight or when there's plenty of money and they don't know how to handle it.

An uncomfortable but necessary conversation

Talking about finances as a couple isn't just about expenses. "It's not just about money—it's about the future": the house, the car, travel and kids. Ideally, you should have that conversation before getting married, and the dating period is a good time to see how the other person relates to money, their family and communication.

But if it's already too late, it's never too late. A premarital course helps, though it doesn't solve everything: real friction arises when you start living together, when debts, financial abundance or children come into the picture. It's a process that takes practice. And the goal, they clarified, isn't to avoid all arguments, but to reach an agreement that works for both of you.

A couple is a team

We know of women who buy things and bring them home secretly to avoid an argument. "It's so sad that you don't have the freedom to set a budget and say, 'This is what we're going to spend on you and me.'" Having your own little nest egg isn't the problem. What causes a rift is when neither partner knows what the other has or how it's being spent.

"A couple is a team. If each person goes their own way, they'll never reach the finish line."

They also warned of the risk of not being involved. There are women who, when their husband is away, discover debts, insurance policies or passwords they never knew about. You always have to stay involved and know what's going on.

Who handles the finances?

There used to be a tendency for the man to handle them. We agree that this isn't necessarily the case: whoever is best at managing them should do so, but both partners should stay informed and work as a team. One of them shared that what brought peace to her home was being able to say, "You handle this—I respect and support you—and I'll handle this."

Three tools to help couples manage their finances better

1. The power diagram: A list with three columns: you, me and us. What each person decides and pays for, and what is decided together. It can be reviewed every month or every week, depending on the family.
2. Money profiles: Four were mentioned: the saver (needs security), the spender (needs freedom), the builder (wants to grow their money) and the survivor. A saver and a spender can balance each other out. As they said: "What can hurt us is what we don't know."
3. A question to ask before buying: Is this a necessity, an expense or a luxury? Because $20 today, $20 tomorrow and $20 the day after add up to a big expense that wasn't in the budget.

And if you can't reach an agreement: seek help. There are financial experts and counselors available. They also recommended not deciding to get a divorce over this issue, because it's something you can work through.

Beyond money: Dreams and memories

"Las Vivas" spoke about respecting each other's dreams and finding a common one, such as thinking about their legacy. They also discussed budgeting for enjoyment: with $20 for a weekend, you won't go to the best restaurant, but you can take some sandwiches to the park. Many people live to work and miss out on their children's formative years. "They'll remember those moments, not how much you worked or spent." And, as they concluded: "Our decisions shape our destiny."

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Have you had this conversation with your partner yet?

Watch the full episode of "Vivas y Plenas":