Episode 92

Marriage is worth it: What we'd like younger generations to know

Do young people really no longer want to get married, or could it be that many of them simply haven't had their questions answered? On "Vivas y Plenas," we sit down to talk — woman to woman and generation to generation — about the examples we set, the expectations we carry and what makes a marriage last.

Published by

Barbara Migliore

11 de octubre, 2026

Topics:

Do they not want to get married, or do they lack good role models?

We begin with a question that touches our hearts: Why do we see so many young people who don't want to form a couple or start a family? Vivi helped us look at it from a different perspective: "It's not that they don't want to get married, but rather that sometimes it's the bad examples they've seen in their own homes." By nature, she reminded us, we all want and need commitment, but a young person who grew up amid arguments and dysfunction thinks: 'No, I don't want that in my home.'"

"It's not that they don't want to get married, but sometimes it's the bad examples they've seen in their own homes."

We also talked about what many young women say: they can't find a man who is courteous, a provider and a protector, and that some men can be "little princes." And about something that pains us: there's a disconnect between generations. "The questions these young women and men are asking have no one to answer them," and so they look for answers in the wrong places. In the past, the legacy was passed down; now, we said, we feel a void.

Let's be careful with what we say

One of us shared something she hears often: "Do all that now, because when you get married… enjoy your freedom," as if marriage took away freedom. If a young woman hears that from someone who's been married for years, she might think that getting married isn't the best thing. That's why we urged each other to be careful: "The best time of your life might be when you're married, building dreams."

We talked about the difference between independence, dependence and interdependence: in marriage, we form a team "without losing our own identity." And about how much weight our words carry at home. Not all men or all women are the same, and saying over the phone, "All men are the same," in front of a young child leaves a lasting impression because the child "is listening and taking that in."

When we choose a partner, we're not looking for someone to make up for our shortcomings, but for someone with whom — since we're both whole — we can form a powerful unit.

From fairy tales to real life

In Hispanic culture, we grow up with the idea of "they lived happily ever after," but the reality, we told ourselves, is that marriage "is hard work that requires sacrifice, even though its rewards are beautiful." And without a soap opera script: "In real life, we don't have a soap opera script."

Here we share a practical tip: surround ourselves with married couples who have been through more and serve as healthy role models. We also recognized that social media has encouraged a lot of comparison and raised expectations, sometimes even demanding titles or unattainable things from the very beginning, forgetting that we grow along the way.

Who made those rules?

"When I finish my degree, I'm going to get married," "don't get married until you finish your degree." We asked ourselves: Who set those rules? Part of that, we said, is a fear of commitment and a fear of not doing it right. But it's possible to study while married and grow together because "love requires flexibility." One of us told us about friends who prioritized only professional success and now regret being alone, without having started a family.

And we remembered that "everything in life that's worth it requires sacrifice: work, school and marriage, too." That includes persevering, forgiving and compromising — and asking ourselves what we have to offer before demanding an endless list of requirements.

"Everything in life that's worth it requires sacrifice: work, studying and marriage, too."

Team, not competition

We talked about balance. When a man is passive, a woman becomes overwhelmed; when she doesn't allow herself to be cared for, he withdraws. We shared that a woman's primary need is usually emotional security and a man's is respect and admiration. We remind ourselves that "a man needs to be empowered, admired and supported — not attacked," and that when we complement each other as a team, that dysfunctional cycle is broken: "admiring the man and loving the woman creates an unbreakable synergy."

With a touch of humor, one of us tells her daughters: "You girls are guacamole — people pay extra for you; you're not free chips." Valuing the roles we've been given is also a way of valuing ourselves.

A short list, with God at the center

When her daughters asked her what nonnegotiable qualities she looked for in her husband, her list was short: intellectual compatibility for conversation, "a firm and unshakable faith in God," and mutual attraction. You don't need an impossible list.

She told us that, when she was 18 or 19, what struck her about him was his attentiveness: at gatherings, he made a point of listening to her and making her laugh. They've been together for almost 25 years. With forgiveness, grace and "God at the center," you can get through the moments when you thought about throwing in the towel. We'll close with what her oldest daughter tells her friends: "Do you know how beautiful a thing you'll be missing out on if you don't experience a love that lasts a lifetime?"