How to support teenagers without losing connection or peace

In this episode of “Vivas y Plenas,” we spoke with author Carolina Carvajal about one of the most challenging and transformative stages of motherhood: adolescence. How can we maintain open communication, set boundaries wisely and support our children as they transition from telling us everything to withdrawing into their own world?

Becoming a teenager isn't just a profound change for children—it's also a process of transition, maturity and redefinition for mothers. This episode is sponsored by Liberty University, an institution committed to the development of Hispanic families through an excellent education grounded in faith, traditional values, and hard work.

Maternal grief: Accepting that your child’s childhood is over 

Carolina explains that the first essential step in navigating this stage is to process "maternal grief." Accepting that the child stage—when the mother was fully involved in play and daily physical care—has come to an end.

Often, mothers try to cling to childhood by saying, "My son is still just a little boy," which prevents young people from growing up in a healthy way. To allow them to move forward, a mother must let go of the role she played in the past and courageously embrace this new stage.

From main character to a supporting role in their story

During the first 10 years of life, motherhood demands constant physical effort (sleepless nights, continuous care, hand-in-hand support). However, once adolescence arrives, the work becomes primarily mental and emotional.

"Before, you were the lead in their story; now you become a supporting actor," Carolina points out. Stepping into the background requires an internal adjustment on the mother's part: learning to take a step back, observing with a broader perspective to provide security without stifling their growth or overprotecting them.

Healing one’s own heard to avoid projecting wounds onto children

With their hands less physically occupied, Carolina invites mothers to tend to their own hearts. Their children's teenage years often trigger unresolved wounds from the mother's past, such as fear of rejection, childhood memories or family patterns like the "silent treatment."

When a teenager responds with coldness or distance, instead of taking it personally or arguing on the same emotional level as the young person, the mother should ask herself: Why does this hurt or upset me so much? Healing those wounds prevents the transfer of pain and allows her to model mature and healthy reactions.

Unconditional love, but with conditional relationships

One of the most revealing points of the conversation is the difference between love and coexistence. Although a mother's love for her children is unconditional, the relationship must be grounded in mutual respect and boundaries.

Allowing children to treat you like a "punching bag" where any kind of behavior is accepted is not healthy. Modeling a healthy relationship involves telling them firmly yet lovingly when their words hurt or when certain behavior is unacceptable. In this way, you teach them to take responsibility for their emotions and to build healthy interpersonal relationships in the future.

Letting go of control and guiding through prayer

It's natural for parents' voices to lose some direct influence during adolescence, as young people seek their own identity and independence. That's why Carolina emphasizes the importance of cultivating trusted mentors and supportive environments for them from an early age.

When verbal communication becomes difficult, a mother's most powerful tool is no longer control or argument, but prayer. Letting go of control and "fighting the good fight" in the secret place for the well-being of her children allows her to trust that God continues to work in the heart of each one of them.

Fulfilled moms, successful children: The key to Independence

Carolina emphasizes that a woman's identity cannot be anchored solely in motherhood. When a mother's life depends emotionally on her child's every reaction, the process of separation becomes painful and exhausting for both.

Offering children the example of a fulfilled mother—one who cultivates her own projects, friendships, career and faith—is the best gift for their future. A model of fulfillment at home gives children the security they need to become independent, mature and self-confident adults.

Liberty University: Scholarships for Hispanic families

This episode of “Vivas y Plenas” is brought to you by Liberty University, which is offering scholarships to Hispanic families who believe in faith, traditional values and work as an integral part of our identity—whether on campus or 100% online.

A visit could change your life and that of your family. Learn more at liberty.edu/UnaVisita or via the link in the description of this content.

Want to hear the full conversation?

Watch the full episode with Carolina Carvajal on our YouTube channel.

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